The older I get, the less interested I am in superficial relationships.
I want real connection.
I want meaningful experiences. I want mates who genuinely know what is happening in my life, and I want friendships where the effort goes both ways.
But I also know how difficult that can become as you get older.
Work gets busier. You get married. You have kids. Your responsibilities increase, everyone's calendars fill up, and suddenly three months without speaking to a mate feels like three weeks.
Then, when you finally do catch up, the conversation stays on the surface.
You talk about work. You talk about the footy. You have a beer, share a few laughs and then head home without ever discussing what is actually happening in your lives.
My concern, if I'm being completely honest, is that a lot of men are going to become increasingly lonely as they get older.
Friendships naturally change. People move away. Men grow apart. Life circumstances shift. Some friendships simply disappear.
You might have five close mates today, but what happens if that becomes three, then two, and eventually you are one of the last men standing?
Connection is one of the most important parts of a great life.
Especially when you are a successful business owner.
You need people you can create experiences with. You need mates you can lean on when life becomes difficult. You need people who value you for who you are, not just what you have achieved.
The good news is that you don't have to completely start again.
You can strengthen the friendships you already have by becoming more intentional in three areas.
1. Stop Keeping Score and Start Setting a Standard
One of the biggest frustrations I hear from men is:
"I'm always the one making the effort."
I understand it because I've felt it too.
It feels bloody good when a mate picks up the phone and says:
"Hey, Locky. It's been a minute. How are you going? How's the family? How's your running? How's business? Talk to me."
You feel valued because someone has made the effort to check in.
But quite often, I'm the one making those calls.
I keep some of my closest mates in the favourites list on my phone, and I try to call them every one or two weeks. I look at those calls as deposits into the relationship.
There will eventually be a time when one of us needs to make a withdrawal.
Something will go wrong. Life will become difficult. One of us will need advice, support or simply someone to listen.
If you haven't made any deposits into the relationship, you can't expect the support to automatically be there when you need it.
That doesn't mean you should continue doing all the work and silently build resentment.
It means you need to set a standard for what friendship looks like to you.
Create a cadence
Decide how frequently you want to check in with your closest mates.
It could be every week, every fortnight or once a month. The specific frequency matters less than creating consistency.
Life becomes busy, and most people are not intentionally trying to neglect their friendships. They have their head down, they're putting out fires, managing a business, raising kids and dealing with everything else life throws at them.
What feels like one week can easily become three months.
A simple system can stop that from happening.
Put your closest mates in your phone favourites. Set a recurring reminder. Call them while you are driving instead of immediately putting on music or a podcast.
Don't rely on yourself to remember.
I sometimes treat myself like an idiot because I know how busy life gets. I want my phone to tell me what needs to happen so I can simply take action.
Have the conversation
When you have consistently made an effort and the friendship still feels one-sided, speak about it.
You don't need to attack the bloke or make him feel guilty.
You could say:
"Mate, you know how much I value our friendship. I love hearing about your family and what you're working towards. I've noticed over the past couple of months that I've been initiating most of the contact. Is everything okay? Is there something happening in your life that I can help with?"
That conversation might feel uncomfortable, but it gives your mate an opportunity to explain what is happening.
It also allows you to establish a standard.
Good friendships require honest conversations. Your mate might not even realise the friendship has felt one-sided until you raise it.
You can't ask for something you are unwilling to give, so make sure you are holding yourself to the same standard.
But when something matters to you, speak about it.
2. Stop Saying You Don't Have Time
Another common excuse is:
"We should catch up, but there's never any time."
That's bullshit.
There is always going to be work, school sport, family commitments, travel and another reason why this weekend doesn't work.
But whenever I spend quality time with my mates, I leave with more energy.
We create new memories. We have different conversations. We understand one another on another level.
A quick phone call is valuable, but it is completely different from getting away for a fishing trip, training together or going somewhere outside your normal environment.
You become more relaxed. You break your usual routine. You have time for conversations that don't happen during a rushed coffee between meetings.
The time will rarely magically appear.
You need to create it.
Put personal time in the calendar first
I have a 12-month calendar in my office.
I use different stickers for work events, holidays, speaking engagements and personal time. At the beginning of the year, I decide how many weekends away, long weekends and holidays I want to have.
I don't always know exactly what I'll do with that time, but I have allocated space to live my life.
That matters.
Otherwise, business will consume every available gap in your calendar.
You probably use systems, schedules and processes to make your business successful. Use the same thinking in your friendships.
Decide what a realistic cadence looks like.
Maybe you organise one proper catch-up every quarter. Maybe it's one trip every six months. Maybe it's an annual boys' weekend.
Put it in the calendar and treat it as a genuine commitment.
Create bucket-list and mini-bucket-list experiences
Not every catch-up needs to be an expensive weekend away.
I think about experiences in two categories.
A bucket-list experience might cost more money, require travel and take you away from your normal environment. It could be a fishing trip, a sporting event or a weekend somewhere you've always wanted to visit.
A mini-bucket-list experience requires less time and little to no money.
It could be:
- Grabbing a coffee.
- Training together.
- Going for a run.
- Having a barbecue.
- Watching a game.
- Taking the kids somewhere together.
Both are valuable.
The important thing is to stop leaving friendship to chance.
Once you finish one experience, organise the next one.
It is much easier to maintain momentum than it is to constantly recreate it.
3. Be the Bloke Who Takes the Conversation Deeper
You might already catch up with your mates regularly but still feel like they don't truly know you.
The conversation never goes deep.
You talk about business problems, but not life problems.
You talk about the things you are achieving, but not the things you are struggling with.
You talk about the mask, but never the man behind it.
We all want friends who genuinely know us.
But for your mates to know you, you have to allow yourself to be known.
That means removing the mask.
Lead through vulnerability
Imagine a mate asks:
"How are you going?"
The easy answer is:
"Yeah, good, mate. Work's busy. Everything's going well."
That answer ends the conversation before it has even started.
The more honest answer might be:
"Work is going well, but home has been challenging. We've just had a new baby, my training has fallen apart, and the dynamic between my wife and me has changed. I'm still trying to work out how to navigate it. You've been through something similar, so I'd love to hear what helped you."
That response changes the entire conversation.
You have given your mate permission to know what is really happening. You have also created an environment where he may feel comfortable sharing what he is experiencing.
Someone has to go first.
Be that bloke.
Vulnerability doesn't mean unloading every problem onto everyone you meet. It means being honest with people who have earned the right to hear your story.
Do hard things together
I have learned more about people while doing hard things with them than I have during years of normal conversation.
When you are physically exhausted and deep in the hurt locker, the other problems in your life often feel easier to discuss.
The walls come down.
People talk honestly. They support one another. They reveal parts of themselves that their oldest friends may have never seen.
You don't need to run 58 marathons together.
Choose something that challenges you both.
Train for an event. Hike a difficult trail. Take on an endurance challenge. Build something. Travel somewhere unfamiliar.
Shared adversity can create a level of trust that surface-level conversation never will.
When you have walked beside a mate during one of the hardest seasons of his life, that friendship becomes difficult to break.
Continue Expanding Your Circle
Building stronger friendships does not mean you should completely close your circle.
When you organise a trip, catch-up or experience, occasionally encourage your mates to invite someone new.
You could say:
"Bring a mate along. I think you're a great bloke, so I'd love to meet some of the other people you enjoy spending time with."
That allows you to continue meeting like-minded men without starting from scratch or forcing awkward networking conversations.
The people you already trust can introduce you to other good people.
Some will remain acquaintances. Others may become lifelong mates.
Great Friendships Don't Happen Accidentally
As men, we can become extremely intentional about our businesses while leaving our friendships to chance.
We track revenue. We organise meetings. We create systems. We plan years into the future.
Then we wonder why our relationships feel inconsistent or superficial.
The same principles that help you become successful in business can help you build a meaningful personal life.
Create a cadence for checking in.
Schedule experiences before your calendar fills up.
Have honest conversations when the effort feels one-sided.
Remove the mask and let your mates know what is actually happening.
Do hard things together.
And keep meeting good people.
You have worked hard to build your business and create financial freedom. Make sure you actually use that freedom to build a life filled with great memories and quality people.
Your marriage, your family and your business will naturally require a lot from you.
But don't allow the best years of your life to pass while your closest friendships slowly disappear.
Pick up the phone.
Call your mate.
Lock something into the calendar.
And be the bloke who goes first.
Take Action Now
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