The Question That Changed My Perspective
"Are you living to work, or working to live?"
It's a viral question that resonates deeply. Initially, it seemed absurd to me. Of course I was working to live. That's what everyone does, right?
Then I examined my actual behaviour, not my story about my behaviour. And I realized I'd been living exactly the opposite way for years.
The Personal Story
I spent significant time prioritizing work above all else. My best energy went to my job while family, friends, and personal wellbeing received only leftover attention.
I told myself I was building something. Sacrificing now for freedom later. But "later" kept moving. The finish line I was running toward didn't exist.
My wife Amy would ask about my day, and I'd give distracted half-answers while checking emails. My body was home, but I wasn't present. I was still at work, mentally solving problems that would be there tomorrow.
However, there's an important distinction I discovered: because speaking and coaching energize me, the traditional trade-off feels different now.
Does sacrifice still apply when you love what you do?
This question led me to the Core 4 framework, finding integration rather than trade-offs.
The Wake-Up Call
The wake-up call came during a holiday with Amy. We'd planned this trip for months. Beach, relaxation, reconnection. Instead, I spent half of it on calls, responding to "urgent" messages that weren't actually urgent.
On day three, Amy looked at me and said, "I feel like I'm on holiday alone."
That hit harder than any business failure ever had. I was succeeding at work while failing at life. And I'd convinced myself this was noble sacrifice.
The Three Options
If you feel trapped in overwork, I see three paths forward:
1. Accept the Status Quo
Continue the current routine and recognize this as your reality. Some men choose this consciously, eyes open, understanding the trade-offs. Most drift into it unconsciously, waking up at 50 wondering where the years went.
If you choose this path, at least choose it deliberately.
2. Increase Earning Potential
Generate more income to purchase back time and freedom. Money isn't everything, but financial pressure limits options. Sometimes the answer is earning more efficiently so you can work less.
This was my path initially. I built income streams that didn't require trading hours for dollars, creating leverage through content, courses, and coaching programs that scale.
3. Transform Your Work
Pursue activities that genuinely excite you, eliminating the sacrifice feeling. This is Clear Purpose, the third Core 4 pillar, in action.
When your work aligns with your purpose, the boundaries between work and life become less rigid. You're not escaping work to live. You're living through meaningful work.
The 58 Marathon Lesson
When I committed to running 58 marathons in 58 days, I had to confront this question directly. This wasn't a side project I could squeeze into evenings. This was a total commitment.
But here's what I discovered: because the challenge aligned with my purpose, because it was about inspiring men to push beyond self-imposed limits, it didn't feel like sacrifice. Even in pain, even in exhaustion, I felt more alive than I had in years of "balanced" corporate life.
That's the difference between living to work and working from purpose. One depletes you. The other, despite the difficulty, energizes you.
Practical Action Steps
Rather than advocating dramatic change, I suggest a measured approach:
1. Document your weekly baseline - Track where time, money, and energy actually flow. Not where you think they go. Where they actually go. This audit often reveals shocking truths.
2. Identify areas that drain you most - Which activities leave you depleted? Which meetings, tasks, or relationships cost more energy than they create?
3. Assess the real trade-off - Do you need higher earnings, reduced hours, or different work entirely? These are three distinct problems with different solutions.
4. Create one non-negotiable boundary - Pick one thing that protects your life outside work. Maybe it's no emails after 7pm. Maybe it's Sunday mornings with family. One boundary you refuse to compromise.
The Integration Path
The Core 4 framework isn't about choosing between work and life. It's about integration:
- Strong Body: Energy to show up fully in both domains. When your health suffers, everything suffers.
- Calm Mind: Clarity to make intentional choices. A calm mind distinguishes urgent from important.
- Clear Purpose: Work that aligns with values. When purpose is clear, decisions become simple.
- Confident Life: Relationships that support growth. The people around you either elevate or drain you.
The Question to Ask Weekly
Every Sunday, I ask myself: "This week, did I live in alignment with what actually matters?"
Not what I said mattered. What actually mattered. The answer keeps me honest.
Assess Your Balance
You don't have to choose between ambition and presence. Between success and relationships. Between achievement and fulfillment.
But you do have to choose integration over drift.
Take the free Own Your Week Scorecard to identify where personal freedom is being surrendered, and build a life that genuinely feels like living.
Because the goal isn't to work less. The goal is to live more. Sometimes that means working differently. Sometimes it means working on different things. But it always means working intentionally.